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Solaranite Theory of Rapid Anthropomorphic Climate Change

Posted by pwl on September 17, 2009

The Solaranite Theory of Climate Change starts around 3:00 into the flick.

Solaranite Theory of Rapid Anthropomorphic Climate Change: “Take a can of your gasoline. Say this can of gasoline is the sun. Now, you spread a thin line of it to a ball, representing the earth. Now, the gasoline represents the sunlight, the sun particles. Here we saturate the ball with the gasoline, the sunlight. Then we put a flame to the ball. The flame will speedily travel around the earth, back along the line of gasoline to the can, or the sun itself. It will explode this source and spread to every place that gasoline, our sunlight, touches. Explode the sunlight here, gentlemen, you explode the universe. Explode the sunlight here and a chain reaction will occur direct to the sun itself and to all the planets that sunlight touches, to every planet in the universe.

The details of the Solaranite Climate Change Theory come to light in this following riveting conversation. Pun intended.

Eros, the leader, confronts a group of skeptical earthlings with the true nature of his plan. The scientific minds of Earth are on a treacherous course of weapons discovery that will eventually lead to a bomb that could explode the whole universe, the “Solaranite Bomb”.

Colonel Edwards: Why is it so important that you want to contact the governments of our earth?

Eros: Because of death. Because all you of Earth are idiots!

Jeff Trent: Now you just hold on, Buster.

Eros: No, you hold on! First was your firecracker, a harmless explosive. Then your hand grenade: you began to kill your own people, a few at a time. Then the bomb. Then a larger bomb: many people are killed at one time. Then your scientists stumbled upon the atom bomb, split the atom. Then the hydrogen bomb, where you actually explode the air itself. Now you can arrange the total destruction of the entire universe served by our sun: The only explosion left is the Solaranite.

Colonel Tom Edwards: Why, there’s no such thing! Why, a particle of sunlight can’t even be seen or measured.

Eros: Can you see or measure an atom? Yet you can explode one! A ray of sunlight is made up of many atoms.

Jeff Trent: So what if we do develop this Solaranite bomb? We’d be even a stronger nation than now.

Eros: “Stronger.” You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!

The impassioned plea continues with an appeal to intelligence and metaphor.

Colonel Edwards: You speak of Solaranite. But just what is it?

Eros: Take a can of your gasoline. Say this can of gasoline is the sun. Now, you spread a thin line of it to a ball, representing the earth. Now, the gasoline represents the sunlight, the sun particles. Here we saturate the ball with the gasoline, the sunlight. Then we put a flame to the ball. The flame will speedily travel around the earth, back along the line of gasoline to the can, or the sun itself. It will explode this source and spread to every place that gasoline, our sunlight, touches. Explode the sunlight here, gentlemen, you explode the universe. Explode the sunlight here and a chain reaction will occur direct to the sun itself and to all the planets that sunlight touches, to every planet in the universe. This is why you must be stopped. This is why any means must be used to stop you. In a friendly manner or as (it seems) you want it.

- Plan 9

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One Response to “Solaranite Theory of Rapid Anthropomorphic Climate Change”

  1. […] the alien commander. Jeff  “stupidly” wonders, “So what if we were to develop this solaranite bomb? We’d be even a stronger nation than now.” Wood seems to be suggesting, through the […]

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